Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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