i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
