my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
