Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
