I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
