she's into porn, im staying here tonight
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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