I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
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I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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