As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
