I wish they made helmets for livers.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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