is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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