the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
my sisters under your porch take her home
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
