i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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