I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I need to stop coming to work sober
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
