I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
