i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize