I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
