when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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