JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
