This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
