Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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