32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
