never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
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I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
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I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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