His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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