Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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