I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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