after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
