dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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