remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
