if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
