Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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