I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Houston, we have a squirter
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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