Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
