So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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