I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he shaved USA in his pubs
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
