Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
