it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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