Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
