Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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