You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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