You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
