the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
