my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
