Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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