I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
