he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
