i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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