Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
