does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
