listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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