so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
