a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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