After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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