So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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