Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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