The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just got carded by a ten year old.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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