It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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