I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
