are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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