Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
